


Midnight Thoughts

by 99griffon



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Moominvalley (Mumintroll | Moomins), My First Mumintroll | Moomins Fanfic, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22768423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99griffon/pseuds/99griffon
Summary: A confrontation from earlier in the day leaves Moomintroll unable to sleep. He confides in his mother, seeking help with his situation.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 131





	Midnight Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, I didn't get a beta and it is currently 1 am. Let me know if there's any issues so I can fix them in the morning! I just really wanted to do this for some reason? Idk why this all just came so easily to me, I love these hecking boys.

Moomintroll couldn't sleep. He just sat there in the dark of his bedroom, the cogs in his brain keeping him awake. His thoughts were running wild and he knew they wouldn't stop until he confronted the issue. Fall's colors were dancing along the breeze outside, they had been for a while… Snufkin would be leaving soon.

Moomin had tried to still spend time with Snorkmaiden, he really did, but his mind was always elsewhere. He wanted to be with his friend just a little more before he went away. Moomin's absentmindedness was ignored by Snorkmaiden at first but he saw how it made her angry later on…

_ "Why don't you just court Snufkin then?!" _ Snorkmaiden's outburst hurt Moomin at first, of course it would. Moomin loved Snorkmaiden, right? Moomin groaned and rolled onto his side. He needed help. His thoughts were too wild for even himself to understand. Moomin was already planning on talking to Snorkmaiden about it the following day. She knew how he was and was easy to forgive… it would be fine, Moomin was sure of that. That wasn't what was on his mind.

If anyone would understand, it would be Moominmamma. Moomin stared at the wall for a moment longer before pushing himself up so that he was sitting. He felt bad having to wake  _ anyone _ up for no good reason this late but he really felt like it was his only option now. Moomin rubbed his tired eyes, sucking in a deep breath. Okay. How would he ask Moominmamma to begin with?

"Mamma, I need advice." Moomin tried, focusing on some point on the opposite wall, trying to feign some sort of confidence. He groaned and deflated, tail dropping uselessly onto his mattress. It was probably the best way to start… how else would he start? 'Hey, mom, I think I might be having gay thoughts, can you help me figure that out?' Moomin thought, rolling his eyes at the idea of being that forward with his ideas. No. That was awful. He needed to find out if what he was feeling really  _ was _ love to begin with and, well, Mamma would know that. Moomin sighed, kicking his legs over the side of his bed. His brain kept trying to delay the conversation but he knew in his heart that he needed answers. He should just go for it. 

Moomin stretched, grunting at how tense he really was. The young troll stood up, shaking himself loose. He would be okay. Mamma was very good at understanding. Moomin quietly made his way to his bedroom door, opening it carefully. He just about died when he saw Little My standing there.

"Why were you talking to yourself?" My asked, an eyebrow raised. Moomin wanted to scream into his pillow. Of course she would know. Of course  _ My _ would hear him.

"Well what are you doing up?"

"Making plans for tomorrow, what's your excuse?" My crossed her little arms. Moomin stared for a moment.

"Why are you planning something in the middle of the night?" Moomin wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. As long as he wasn't affected by tomorrow's mischief...

"It's a big secret, that's why! Now stop dodging the question!" 

"Shhh, okay!" Moomin whispered. "Just don't wake up all of Moominvalley, okay?" My rolled her eyes but didn't say anything more. Moomin processed how to say this to My without incriminating himself. "Well… I couldn't sleep. I have a lot on my mind. I want to talk to Moominmamma about it so that I can finally sleep." Moomin stated, trying to sound sure but he really didn't know what to do with his hands. My examined him for a moment before nodding.

"It's about that Snorkmaiden thing, isn't it?"

"What?!" Moomin exclaimed before bringing his voice back down to a whisper, ears fully pricked. "How do you know about that?!"

"Well, Snorkmaiden's  _ my _ friend too, you know?"

Moomin wasn't sure how to respond to that. The last person he wanted to know was My… maybe that's what she was planning. She was planning some elaborate way to throw  _ him _ under the bus. His short fur began to puff up a bit and My definitely took notice.

"Relax, Moomin, I'm not gonna try anything. It's mean but it's no fun." She stated, leaning against the door frame. "Besides, I do  _ not _ want to get involved with that business-- not when I have a big day tomorrow." Moomintroll relaxed a bit, letting out a breath.

"Thank you." He murmured. He didn't know whether to be worried or relieved but… he chose to be relieved for now. "I-I'm gonna go talk to Mamma. Good night, Little My." My gave him a knowing smirk and stretched.

"Good luck." She hurried down the stairs back to her room. Moomin ran his paws down his face. He couldn't let My's teasing get him all riled up-- especially not tonight. He headed down the stairs, quietly making his way to his parents' room. The young troll opened the door carefully and shuffled inside.

Moomin tiptoed to his mother's bed and gently shook her. "Mamma… Mamma, can I talk to you?" He stepped back when she shifted a bit, opening her eyes.

"Moomin? What on earth are you doing awake?" 

"I-I can't sleep. I… I uh… I just need some help figuring something out. I don't think I'll  _ ever  _ sleep again if I don't." Moomin explained quietly, chest feeling a bit tight. He felt ridiculous doing this. Moominmamma hummed and sat up, yawning.

"Well then, it certainly sounds serious… we shouldn't stay in here, though, we don't want to wake up Moominpappa." She smiled at her son. Moomin nodded quickly and headed back out the door. He was glad his mother understood… she always did. After a moment she came out and shut the door behind her. "Now, whatever is the matter, dear?"

"Snorkmaiden got mad at me and I started thinking and I just can't stop thinking!" Moomin said quickly. Moominmamma hummed.

"Well, could you tell me why Snorkmaiden got mad?"

"Snorkmaiden and I were spending time together on the hill and I ended up talking about my plans with Snufkin… because he's going to be leaving soon and I… you know… A-and she said: 'Why don't you just court Snufkin then' and-- and I keep thinking about it! I like him a lot and it's not like Snorkmaiden or any of our other friends… but it's weird! Aren't I supposed to like Snorkmaiden? Or a girl in general? I just don't get it." Moomin looked up at his mom, eyes wide. Moominmamma could see the confusion and perhaps even fear in his blue eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment, dissecting Moomintroll's rambling. She hummed a bit, nodding to herself. Moomin wrung his paws, worried about what she was thinking. 

"I think it's fine to think about these sort of things… I can't give you the answers because I don't choose how you feel, but…"

"But what, Mamma?"

"Well, I know you're a very caring Moomin. Don't be afraid of your feelings, dear, take all the time you need to figure it out."

"That's the thing! I have taken a lot of time… Every year it comes back up-- every time he has to go away. My said that I'm 'pining' for him in the past and… Snorkmaiden just made me think about it more. I-I think I'm just… scared to think about it and I keep thinking about it and I can't not think about it, so I can't sleep!" Moomin started to ramble again, emotions coming over him. He inwardly scolded himself for acting like a baby about all of this… his chest felt so tight-- he just didn't know what to do. He felt his mother's warm paws gently take hold of his face.

"Deep breaths… there's no reason to panic. Perhaps tomorrow you could talk to Snufkin about your feelings? If you think you might love him, talking about it could help you find out for sure. I know that love is a bit strange, but I also know that it's worth it."

"I know I just… I don't want him to leave forever." Moomin murmured. "I-if he doesn't feel the same way, what if he just never comes back after this winter?"

"Oh, he'll come back." Moominmamma reassured him, smoothing his fur back. 

"You really think so? Even if..?"

"Absolutely, dear." She released him. "Now, try and get some rest so you can talk to him about it tomorrow, alright?" Moomin didn't respond for a moment before he nodded.

"O-okay." He smiled up at his mom. "Thanks Mamma." He hugged her around her belly. Moominmamma chuckled and hugged him back, the edges of her eyes crinkling with her genuine smile. Moomin released her and hurried back upstairs to get some rest.

  * **◇•◇•◇•**



He still couldn't sleep. Now he just kept thinking about what he would say! Ugh… what if Snufkin felt like Moomin was overstepping his boundaries? He knew how anxious his friend could get sometimes. Moomintroll sighed. He wouldn't sleep until he got everything off his chest, he supposed. He begrudgingly rolled out of bed and wrapped himself up in his blanket. He headed over to the window, gazing out into the night. Snufkin would understand, right?

Moomin pushed his window open, shivering at the cold fall night's breezes. He pulled his blanket tighter around himself and headed out onto the roof. Snufkin was definitely asleep. There was no light in campsite. Moomin hurried down his ladder, not wanting to stay out in the cold for too long. The bright moonlight illuminated the rungs, making his descent much easier. He hopped off onto the grass, pulling the blanket tighter around him. He hurried over grass and wild flowers and onto the path to the bridge.

As he crossed the bridge, he saw frost forming… Moomin felt a pang of sadness hit his heart. It wouldn't be too long. He hurried along towards Snufkin's camp, the pads of his feet feeling like absolute ice. He came to a stop just outside Snufkin's tent, mind going blank. He had spent so much time thinking about what he wanted to say but it was all just completely out the window. He didn't want to step on any tails here… if Snufkin got upset, he didn't know what he'd do. 

The troll fiddled with his tail nervously, staring at the closed front flaps of Snufkin's tent. He took a deep breath and spoke. 

"Snufkin? Are you awake..? I…" a small panicked breath escaped him. He was actually doing this. He heard movement from inside the tent.

"Moomintroll?" He heard from inside. Snufkin's voice sounded so groggy… a wave of embarrassment came over the poor troll. He couldn't believe he actually woke Snufkin up.

"Ehh y-yes…"

Snufkin opened the flaps of his tent. "What are you doing up? Aren't you cold?" He was quiet for a moment, examining his friend's face. "Are you alright?" Moomin wanted to respond but his words failed him. He nodded quietly. He must look so pitiful like this. He shuddered, tail lashing anxiously. After a moment, Snufkin shuffled back a bit, gesturing to Moomin that he could enter. Moomin thanked him and stepped inside. It wasn't much warmer but he was grateful for being out of the wind. 

Snufkin shut the tent flaps once Moomin was inside, pulling his own blanket over him once more. He wasn't wearing his coat, so he was probably quite cold… Moomin looked down at the earth for a moment, glancing back up when Snufkin spoke again, lighting his lantern. "Now… What's wrong?"

Moomin took a deep breath, gaze averted. "I guess I look that bad, huh..?" He forced a laugh to break some tension, gaining a nod from Snufkin.

"Did something happen in Moominhouse?" Snufkin asked softly. Moomin's ears shot straight up and he shook his head vehemently.

"Of course not! It's… not like that." Moomin paused before deciding to just get it over with. "I… I couldn't sleep. I had too much on my mind." Snufkin hummed thoughtfully.

"Ah, yes. I have nights like that sometimes-- when I'm on the road-- you have a lot of time to think when you're on your own. What are you thinking about that's got you so nervous?"

"W-well… it's weird, but Mamma said I should talk to  _ you  _ about it. ...in the morning… but I couldn't get it off my mind long enough to even start dozing." Moomin averted his gaze. "So I, uh… came here." Snufkin watched quietly, waiting for his friend to continue. Moomin took the cue and fidgeted with his tail. "So I was with Snorkmaiden and she said… well, it's weird…"

"Well, I quite like 'weird' things, Moomin. Whatever's bothering you, I won't judge you." Snufkin tried to reassure his friend.

"Yes… but this is a special kind of weird…"

"Go on." Snufkin leaned back on his elbows.

"So… Snorkmaiden said I should be courting you because I think about you all the time and I just kept thinking about that all day and… and…" Moomin breathed. This was a mess. He turned to the side, ears lowering. "I think I… like you. Like, love like." Moomin squeezed his tail, mentally preparing himself for anything but kindness. He stared at his paws, eyes stinging a bit. 

Tove, he was so terrified of losing Snufkin because of his stupid feelings… Snufkin was quiet for a while, unsure of what to say. "I-it's okay if you don't like me too! I still wanna be your friend no matter what!" He looked at Snufkin, not quite realizing just how tense he most likely looked. Snufkin looked at Moomin's face for a moment, his own face unreadable.

"Oh, well, that certainly is weird." Silence fell over the two for a moment. Each time Moomin stole a glance at Snufkin, he would see that the mumrik was deep in thought. He just wished he knew what those thoughts were… Snufkin shut his eyes. Moomin slumped after a bit, releasing his tail. 

"I-I know this was a bad thing at a bad time… I just needed to talk to you about it-- I think I've been thinking about it for a long time and…"

"No, No, it's not a bad thing. Certainly a bad time but I just… need to think." Snufkin said softly, trying to keep Moomin from catastrophizing this situation. Moomin nodded quietly, unsure of what to do with himself in this silence. He bundled him as tight as he could in his blanket, sighing. The sound of wind beat the sides of the tent, a few scattered leaves scraping along the surface every now and then. Crickets sang out there in the cold, sometimes accompanied by the chatter of nighttime birds-- an owl or two calling out to each other in the moonlight. After another minute, Snufkin looked up from his thoughts.

"Mm… I… I certainly think that I like you as well, Moomintroll." Moomin's eyes widened but he said nothing. Snufkin's fists clenched a bit. "I always come back to Moominvalley for a reason-- I just wasn't sure if I wanted to admit it had to do with you." Snufkin murmured, eyes shutting again. "But I just did."

Moomin didn't know what to say so they inevitably fell back into silence. Moomin relaxed a little bit, though. He finally got the nerve to speak after a moment. "S-so what do we do about it..?" He looked over at Snufkin quietly.

"Well… I'm not entirely sure. Our situation is certainly a strange one." Snufkin sat up again. "I might want some more time to think about it, though." Moomin nodded quickly.

"Of course! A-are we still on for our adventure tomorrow?" 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Snufkin smiled again. "You'll still be my closest friend, no matter what we decide to do." Moomin plopped back, sighing in relief. 

"Well, whatever we do, we'll do it our way. Make our own rules." Moomin rolled over to face Snufkin, who was grinning, holding back a laugh. Moomin smiled an honest, genuine smile. He knew Snufkin would like that. 

Snufkin rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Well, would you like to stay here for the night? It's freezing out there."

Moomin nodded. "You'd let me?"

"Well, you did come all this way to see me tonight. You must be tired."

"Thank you, really, Snufkin." Moomin sighed. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders… Snufkin sat up to reach his lantern.

"Besides, having you around might help me stay warm tonight." Snufkin smirked, sounding quite cocky. Moomin laughed and hugged his mumrik friend.

"I think I could say the same for you." Snufkin flushed a bit, quickly snuffing out the lantern so Moomin wouldn't see. After a moment in the hug. "I was so scared you were gonna leave.. for real." Moomin pulled away, suddenly conscious of Snufkin's personal space again. 

"That's ridiculous. I couldn't stay away even if I tried-- I can promise you that." Snufkin stated, laying back. "I was always worried I wasn't… deserving... of love. You and your family have done wonders showing me otherwise." Moomin felt one of his eyes feel all watery but he blinked it away, laying down beside Snufkin.

"Well, obviously I think you deserve it." Moomin shut his eyes, curling up nearby to Snufkin for the warmth they sought after. "Good night, Snufkin." Moomin felt Snufkin shift a bit, taking a deep breath as the wind howled its lonesome tune. Luckily for the two in the tent, each of them were in the most amazing company they could ever hope for. Snufkin shut his eyes, smiling a little bit.

"Good night, Moomin."


End file.
